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Behind the seen

is the unseen

the inner mechanism


and there are many layers inbetween


of perception and feeling


intertwined and transmitting

external vision or understanding


that lead to being -without-


from within


that create the entire illusion


of the existence of a person

Unknowing Knowing


Being human is very strange

we are ejected into this realm


some say -- with parents previously chosen


others say -- through random selection


Holy books state it is prewritten destination


Our being encapsulated into form

imprisoned within the fabrication of bounds and limitations


our atoms mostly empty space

but we embody race, DNA


some say -- we are made of clay


some say -- we are God made


others say -- we are evolutionary creatures with no purpose past this state of being


Certain masters claim that this experience is all illusion

like a nightmare or a dream

and we are not truly living


take a breath

it seems real to the senses


Born - live - die


some say -- only to live again

millions of years of reincarnation


not to mention the possibility

of other galaxies, universes parallel existences


Born into opportunity


some born as kings

others into abject poverty

to die straight away from malnutrition


Perhaps to go to heaven

or to be born again as a dolphin

or some other unknown entity

in some far off galaxy


We are brought up

instructed taught ideas, ideals, values

within the confines of our cultural constructs


given labels, names, language

ways to express our feelings

ways to view or see



We experience


We reflect


We take what is around us


We make things, consume things

discard the unwanted, unneeded items


We move within structure

or cannot


Some of us perceive freedom

others know duty, responsibility

daily survival


depending on their own levels


We make choices, decisions

we react to any given situation or presentation

from the deepest reflections of our inner beings

through our actions


We manufacture the manifestations of our thoughts

into actualisation


some say -- as One


some operate in secret, in symbols

they move in the shadows


while others perceive a class struggle


Some think they have some power over what happens

they are creating their own reality


others see higher ups, oligarchies as the guiding forces

the true machines of manifestation manufacturing


There are many languages for religion

many pray, meditate on the idea of eternity

the everlasting


some have faith in the unseen


others are angered by the mere mention

of something that is unscientific, unproven


knowledge is evolving


Some kill other beings for consumption

for satisfying feelings (such as, anger or retribution)

others for a blood thirst quenching


some for warmongering


Great Masters have stated that all being has consciousness of some form

even rocks give off vibrations




the beginning of all consciousness, all vibrations


We all come to an end


some are buried

some are burned


some say that is the infinite finality

there is no more than what was experienced here


others believe that is only the beginning


some have seen the Light waiting to greet them


and some await to see, feel, experince, question


The All Knowing

Needful things


We need leaders to lead

We need structure


We need to fit in

We need to be accepted in society

We need to be told, to be guided

We need to be devoted

and offer our support

come what may

We need an enemy

We need a competitor

We need something to strive for

We need purpose

We need money, fiat currency

even if it is unreal

We need to buy stuff

and make a living

and generate the economy

no matter the means

the ends are justified in each mind

We need illusion

We need to be lied to

We need to be instructed on reality

We need not see, hear or speak

We need each other

on either side of the coin

friend or foe

We need something to die for

Spiritual Fanatic


I have recently begun calling myself: a spiritual fanatic
because I love the paradox in the statement

I love religions
it’s one of my very favourite things!

But our world has become mixed up, confused

The spirit of religions
has been apprehended for political reasons

What we are witnessing
is not the essence of truth or teachings

it is usurp of religion
for bad intentions

There is a mask, a veil
before reality
making it - forest for the trees

nothing is what it seems
and what it seems
is not the essence of the blessed teachings

What is Mercy?


When you come face to face


with the reflection


and you could choose to show your anger or wrath


in that moment


but instead - you hold back


Your rage is held under constraint


and your violence is kept under wraps


Patience covers


and your compassion arises


You see - in the other - yourself


the object of your love


and you recognize


your own wishes, your own hopes


in the reflection


through awareness


Grace overcomes


and Mercy is shown


as all other emotions to the contrary


are suppressed in your Loving action


Who owns Islam?


Who owns Islam


Who is going to tell me what to believe

or how to practice that belief


Am I going to bow down

out of fear


isn't it love and sincerity

a repentant heart

that bring me through the ultimate door

the one I long for

where the rivers flow


Who owns Islam


was it my first husband

who told me how to act, what to wear

and then cheated and lied and abused his loved ones


Is he the one who will open the door

to the green pastures


Who owns Islam


is it those who sell oil - sell their souls

to the devil

who guard the Mecca

who call the birthplace of our Beloved, their own

and then oppress all those

within their bounds


Who owns Islam


is it this sect or that one


I used to be told

“Be a Sunni. That is the only version that will be accepted, allowed.”

By whom - by Allah

I am Sufi Muslim

does that present a problem
I am esoteric believer 

a rejector of forced dogma

Does someone have a number I can dial

because I’d really like to know:


Who owns Islam?

Blind Faith

This life is a matter of perception

If you are a believer – and you are highly dedicated to a belief or faith or ideological system

If it is your perception that what you believe in is the ultimate truth and perfection

then it stands to reason

that you will be against anything that is an enemy – to that which denies the faith you believe in


If you cling to your belief system and its dictates

it is unlikely that you will question what it is asking

because faith itself demands a blind following


In fact, the act of questioning is the opposing action

to the action of faith itself

Faith, asks that you abandon your own mind  

to follow what you are asked

as a faithful person


If that faith, asks you to hate – or kill – or believe another person is an enemy

And you are a zealot to your own perception – you may do anything

believing that you are justified in your actions or

believing that the Almighty will uphold your actions


Turn that perception in 180 degrees to another human mind

and their faith or belief system or ideology will mirror your own

thereby making them in a percieved opposition


when in substance – the two are one

because in essence


they are fundamentally the same 


What was once - a limit to my soul

is no more


The limit was passed

and a part of me - watched the other part of me

pass it


Nothing changed 

except that I had performed an action

that I would once have never allowed myself to act upon


I was no happier for it

as I was no happier for denying it


All pleasure - gleamed - was a vanishing moment of nothing

like grains of sand slipping through 

the spaces between my fingers

the only difference between the sand

and my actions -

the sand lands upon the ground and remains a grain

my actions vanish into the great unknown


Time passed - that cannot be grasped by any human sense


And on I went

wondering and acting


Did the limits mean anything

if the remorse or regret was not present 

if the faith was not strong enough to press its limitations


What am I - Who am I

with or without them


If all my moments are empty nothings

of movements towards a vanished state


of being


Can one both be and not be simultaneously?



It’s a funny thing

Isn’t it


If you really think about it

No Country Exists


We are on a round ball floating in space

there are land masses under us

diversity of species around us – plants, animals, insects, birds

in a place we call,

Our World


We stand on the ground

only gravity hold us down

and we gather in groups or tribes

all with different looks, languages, colours, shapes and sizes


We have names for things--

in English we call the round ball,



and we have drawn imaginary boundaries between places on Earth


We have been given or elected leaders to rule over the places

ones that our minds have chosen to believe in


Over the centuries those land masses, those borders, those leaders

have all changed

and yet at this moment we identify them by their current names


And we have drawn imaginary lines on maps

So we can call them our own

and so we often fight over them (especially the resources within)

Claiming that we (whoever ‘we’ are) own them


But really, if you think about it –

do we own anything?


We don’t even stay on this round ball for very long

Each one of us – eventually goes home


So when we say that such and such a place

has a right to exist


It is just so that our imagination

can accept it


Vittorio Arrigoni


Vittorio Arrigoni

How did you become so brave?


I can see the light

the joy

the adventurous spirit

emanating from your soul

in photos - in videos


You are at peace now


Those of us who didn't know you

we too feel sorrow

sorrow that we were not fortunate enough

to have met you

heard your thoughts

or to know you personally



you have died the death of a hero

and all heroes are with God

but your memory here

will keep living on



the created, creating


Humans are Puffed up


with arrogant pride


believing in the self

attached to the ego


the trappings of illusion - of dunia







and we buy into it


Yet, everything we use to create

is already a created, creation


every ability, thought

even our own consciousnesses


derive from the same ONE

the same Divine Source


and what we have

we are temporarily borrowing


it has all been lent - momentarily given


and we have the nerve

to take credit for it

we have the arrogance

to believe we had something to do with it

we have the pride

to think that we own it


When we are nothing


but a created being - inside a creation - creating from creation


and we will all be





The Seed Transformation



Our emotions sway us

our devotions can blind us

in attachment



Either we are controlling the flow of the feelings

or they are persuading our actions



Our own senses can manipulate us

our momentary to momentary desires

can control our minds

along with the sensory images and information we perceive

during the now of consciousness

our paths determining currents of energy in connection



There is a seed of will

planted and expanding during the process of transformation



thought to action



Creation Creating 
Symbiotic Manifestation




A Way Out


She looks into his tiered, crying eyes


The hunger pangs in their stomachs

do not subside


He presses his limp body

into her pale, greying chest


They are both existing on the verge

of death


Weak, impoverished

No opportunities, no choice of exit


She asks God

from the depths of her heart

for hope

for an escape from this hardship


She wants to give him

what she doesn’t have

but the world surrounding

seems unjust, unfair, cruel

just plain bad


The land she works

with her delicate, wrinkled hands

is barren and dry from drought

her mind is consumed with endless doubts


She wonders to herself

If she’ll ever find

A Way Out



let it out


Painting is cathartic


Quick medicine

that sucks out all the negative energy

inisde me


Transforming it into something less destructive


so I can get on with – preparing

for the next insurmountable test coming


wonder what's next in store

to get ready for...


Oh Lord!



what love isn't


Love isn’t

being oppressed, isolated

or insulted


love isn’t

being lied to, neglected or belittled


it isn’t being hurt

followed by apologies

(no matter how many)


and love isn't being disrespected, used

or mistreated



the failed garden



My little garden,


I was forced to abandon you

When I broke my ankle

earlier this summer


I couldn’t tend to you – as I should have

Which makes me feel saddened


My veggie plants gave up their fight

the weeds took over – with their overpowering might


the slugs and snails had their fill


yet, my wild flowers survived even still





I am not a human made classification

you cannot know me – by the land I was born on

by the colour of my skin

by the language I speak in


You will not see through to my heart

by the clothes I am wearing

or by the outer shell you are conceiving


I may call myself faithful

attach myself to others with common religious labels

but you will never grasp what I truly believe in


I cannot be seen with your eyes

your perception bars you from viewing my insides


If you were to know me by the actions

that your minds were glimpsing

you would only come to know your own projections

though a limited mind and capacity for understanding


I will never know you

even if we were inseparable companions in this illusionary realm

there would be depths and crevasses of you

that would never come into my view


because the spirit, the light and the soul are unseen values






I walk the slow walk

closer and closer to the light


infinitely perched on the edge


between this world

and the next


never knowing

when comes

the last breath



is all I possess



Patient Gratefulness


It's transcendent

the ability to hold off

to look beyond the present moment

in faithfulness and trust


What comes next

unfolds in secret


some say - it's predetermined

others say - it's self determined


However we choose to see it, it is unknown

the greatest mystery of all


time evolving

situations unraveling


in our limited awareness - state of uncertainty - capped ability


Adversity, strife, suffering

are no match to our patience, our thankfulness


for what we have


(if we so choose to be)


This may be the best it ever gets

and there are a plethora of gifts

no matter the hell that they come with


When we wait - in a state - of gratefulness, endurance and patience

it's best





Do we know what LOVE is?


Have we come even closer (or further)

from understanding


It's not a word

in the language of our mind's translations



a reflection of our inner being


communicated through the medium of our actions

to the external contact that we connect with at any given moment



Nothing here to want



There is nothing here

in this realm

that will quench this longing


only You, only You

and You are unreachable

to my soul


I cannot touch you

as I long to


I think of You

I think of You

I think of You


I reach out to You

in my heart

in my prayer

in my thought


and it tears me apart

this separation


Nothing here fills my desires

Nothing here fills my lacking

Nothing here


Just reminders



a moment



What's in a moment

but a simple

- feeling -


the transmission of consciousness to thought to experience

and the reflection of it flowing back in


to the great nothing



into the infinite continuation

of be-ing



rushing to nowhere



You were rushing

to a moment

that *you thought*

would bring happiness

at last


And the moments

in between

sped past


the moment you were hoping for

the moment you were living for

manifested into experience


not as luminescent

not as brilliant

not as perfect


as you expected


and afterward

you were left with a thirst


as empty

as the evaporated essence of time vanished



empty wells for empty shells


Is it ever filled-

that empty well wrapped in that illusionary shell


the more and more - desire - poured in

the more and more




It's set up

to appear

that there are certain desires that must be fulfilled here


but that is only the false perception

to detect the hidden


of the inner being


That inner being will be removed from that illusionary shell

and all that will be left

are the intentions and deeds - perpetrated in this realm



not for profit



The Creator has given us everything

the air that we breath
the organs
the blood
the body that keeps us moving

the land that we stand on
the resources that we depend on
the food we live on

the water we drink from

And we use everything GIVEN
like it is OURS
like we own it
and off it - we make our profits

taking from the creations
altering them
and sell, sell, selling

taking and taking and taking
without thinking

about each-others well being
and most often without thanking the One doing the endless giving



Lines, Shapes, Colours


Cleaning out the cob webs in my little, yellow art studio - this morning

rediscovering old sketch books


passing my fingers over forgotten pages

re-reading long lost poems

re-visiting images, drawings, paintings of chalks, charcoals, water-colours

remembering times spent in quiet observation, contemplation

attempts to capture the essence of a place, a moment, a person, a thought transferring them to a page to keep them

document them

hold onto them if even for a split-second longer

times that seemed so intense, so real, so present

yet vanished into nothingness


all that remains of them are a few lines, colours, shapes on a page







In your perception

there is an external



an interaction

with an environment


consciousness meeting consciousness


Internally there is a being

contained in a shell

meeting an external world


revealing its inner truth

through an external




Mirroring its being

through external translations-transactions


creating - creation


unveiling, unraveling






It is simple

to wade in external judgments


to think that perfection

will be achieved

if the external were only altered



We have not been given a realm of perfection

- to be in -

for a reason


truth cannot be extracted

except in a state of imperfection


tribulations of every description

unveil the true inner being


uncovering the sincere hidden

layers within







You died when I was thirteen

here in England


I watched your body drop to the ground

at a petrol station

while I cried and screamed out to the highest heavens


I never forget that day

we stood inside an unfamiliar hospital room

the nurses told us

you were dead

and wouldn't be coming back home

ever again


I clenched your book and glasses in my hand

just in-case you needed them

but you never would need them


I cried and cried and cried

and mourned from then on


You were the one who stayed home to raise me

it was your unconditional love

your patience

your kindness

your brilliance


that formed me into the person

I am


I never stop missing you


I would give anything

for one more snuggle

one more moment to look into your eyes

and see your face, smile


I love you and I always will







The path forming

originates from within


consciousness blossoming 

into thought

intermingling with desire and want


manifesting through the conjured will

into choice-decision-action


fabricating the being

of occurrence emerging


clashing with the reflective wills of origin



rippling through the fabric

of the - now - creation


burned into the memory of actualization


but vanishing back into the emptiness

of nothing



don't dog me


I am tiered of dogma

finished with the confining judgements of reflected perceptions


Minds that exist

in their own egotistical realm of perfected personification


Illusions that lose the essence and beauty

of the inner spirit-uality trying so desperately to reach them


I need to be free

within the parameters of my own conscience's dictations


I've seen, felt, experienced hypocrisy

at its finest


I've watched it tear away goodness


and for the moment

I am finished


Let me forge my own path

in my own understanding

from within the boundaries of my own limitations

free from oppression


I've only recently started breathing







You were always a bright light

fighting the good fight

wrought with external strife

in a shell that never worked 'right'


What an inspiration

you've always been

since we first met

at age thirteen


You had troubles moving, speaking

disabilities that were debilitating

but your pain and suffering never stopped you from doing anything


You were amazing!


And now you've left that shell

Your light is free to move beyond this realm


I wish to meet you again

in another land

where I can watch you soar


the beautiful inner being that you truly are







I lay down in the bath

squeezed my oversized shell into the narrow space

my ample flesh protruded where it may


I rested my conditioned head on the hard porcelain

stared at the tiled wall in front of me

Watched the reflections of the light from my bathroom window

next to the darker reflections of my own body

lying there still, save for the rise and fall of my breath


My eyes fixed on the tiny drops of water that dripped down

colliding into other drops waiting


Waiting to be dragged down

into one







What do you think justice is

fulfilling your or 'your groups' own selfish-self interests?


What do you measure yourself against -

what limits do you limit your own self with?


Is protecting your so-called tribe

your name written in letters

(that you use to self-describe)

your imagined borders

drawn up in lines

representing blocks between earth, space

that exist not in the actual out-side


your illusionary differences

your make-believe barriers between humans

all bred and dead-ed in the same mannerisms


I am tiered of this planet being ruled by manics

I am tiered of watching them wreaking havoc


I've had it!


We are all one


but we choose to divide ourselves into sections

allow ourselves to act atrociously for the sake of our own self-protection

so that we entitle ourselves the permission

to live and act without any standard of moral or legal limitation


not as long as it means

forgoing the ego-driven-delusions






They don't see

the layers

and the layers



they see very plainly



not questioning

not toiling to understand

with any depth or vision


with a very shallow



way of viewing


easily distracted

busy enamored with admiration




endless wanting

to fill their bottomless desires


jumping to conclusions

snapping to judgments

making sweeping statements

running from one inference to another


covering up ignorance

with criticisms


superiority complexes

reckless disregard


asininely wondering

why the world is in turmoil


when the destruction

began within them

spreading their anger and hatred

like cancer


a reflection of their own

inner creations




Make Love Not War


You approach me

when my defenses are down

when my heart is worn

and aching


Your hands

are the first to conquer the boarder

like a warrior

in full body armor


I fight you off

resisting with all my strength

a wall of anger and hostility

built up


unwilling to surrender

my two guns pointed

ready to foil any attempts

of invasion


and your lips

are the next to hit

and I cannot resist

this bombardment


weakened by your massive passion

a tornado of emotions


anger, love, hurt, pain, desire and rapture

all mixed into one deadly concoction


we clash

wrapped up



each one wanting to dominate

the other


we struggle

for control


but the harder we battle

the more we are caught up in a fury

of a blazing fire


destroyed by an explosion of ecstasy

annihilated by our lustful desires




Capitalism without Conscience


I completely understand why people enjoy



They want to excel at their abilities

without boundaries and limitations


The problem comes when people practice

Capitalism without Conscience


What happens when that inner drive

turns to greed

and all of a sudden

you are planning schemes

on how to get even more wealthy


So you decide to manufacture

your products in third world countries

where you can get away

with paying paltry salaries

in countires where there are very few

rules and regulations



you will become wealthier and wealthier

but that wealth is made on all the backs

of those who are suffering


While you are enjoying

the lap of luxury

You are burning up all your blessings

by creating suffering


You are constantly being monitored

your actions are being recorded

you have an angel on the right and the left

these blessings are really a test


there is no ultimate gain

by creating this imbalance


You are actually putting your own soul in





The Pursuit of Happiness 



What happens when a person's happiness

is realized through achieving their own self interest


Can your happiness and my happiness co-exist


What happens when your sense of happiness

and my sense of happiness conflict


When we share opposite goals

opposite self interests

when we have opposing ideals and dreams

Who's happiness supersedes


If neither of us

is willing to sacrifice

our hopes and wishes


my self interests and your self interests

will clash

then one of our dreams

will be extinguished


one of us will be crushed


Isn't the pursuit of self interest

driven happiness

the real enemy

to both of us


Perhaps, the pursuit of this kind of self fulfillment

is the absolutely wrong priority

to begin with






I used to - think - there was something



something worth pursuing


A wanting needing fulfilling


And all the wanting that came in the form of having

was given in a world surrounded in pain and suffering

(mine or someone else's)

and it was still there - that inner aching

that empty, needful being

that never could be filled with anything


because the world of - having - could never produce perfection


Having or not having was the same thing all along


Wanting or not wanting

produced the same outcome


and so I've come all this way

to want nothing


but salvation




Unacceptable acceptance



I don't need your acceptance

I don't want you to tell me what's acceptable

I don't want your unsolicited advice

about what I should do in my own life


I believe in God

I believe I am being judged by my own intentions and actions


I believe my struggles, tests, faults, blessings

are my own

to deal with

that is how my inner being is being revealed



If I have challenges to live with - or overcome

that's mine

that's my burden to carry

and your - acceptance or nonacceptance - of something

will not change anything


If you wish to express - goodness, kindness, gentleness

I will be glad to receive it

but only because it will be the salvation for your own being

and your salvation

is then - pleasing


and very much


your own







It is transmitted

by your eyes, by your ears

absorbed into your mind


that complex chasm

which holds your current perceptions


Your self formed understandings

of this grand illusion's building


And you take it all in

mixing it with your myriad of emotions

that taint all those conceived realizations

which drive you to action


Desires of the self

blossom into the intentions of your being

and you are moved along


In the vehicle of your own conception


In a space that was created

before your coming

and that exists beyond your departure


from this self-apparent realm







There is nothing solid here

(in this vision)

everything is in a state of flux

movement, change



We are molecules of vibration


clay-clanged into form


so that we may understand

a self-realized-reality

as it forms


This fragility of shell upon shell upon shell

only hits us

in moments

we deem - perception-wise - unwell


The rest of the time

most of the light covered shells

find the illusion of solidity

through the sensory

cells (sells)




let it be a flower 



It would be nice

if we never had to - create another reason - to wear another poppy


If we could put an end

a real, absolute and final end

to wars and fighting


If we could stop finding


to kill






For no good reason whatsoever


If we could let a poppy

be a flower


instead of making it into a symbol

of the fallen soldiers


(I think that would be a much better way to honour them)



Compassionate man-effect-station


We hear more and more

these days

about manifesting our dreams

by believing in actualization




but what are the basis of our beliefs

that we wish to make happen


what are we willing to do

to accomplish them


We are invited to abandon fear and doubt

in return for great success, abundance and wealth


but what if that fear and doubt

is somehow good for our spiritual heath


If you no longer fear

- the hurt -

you could cause another

then you have started a process

to strip away

the compassion and the empathy

that was - the others - protection


During the process of actualization

there are layers upon layers

of actions and reactions

that are caused

most far beyond our capacity

to see, comprehend or fathom


If we are given

to this kind of self-satisfaction-satiation


we must awaken

to the impact

that those realized dreams are having


and see the universal ripples

they are making


It is unethical to manifest

without empathy, understanding and compassion

we need to be thinking

more deeply

before ever asking the universe for anything


and realize

the unity of our grand connection







It was a point


very far off in the distance

it felt like an eternity away


from now


it was a date on a calendar


there was no guarantee

we would make it there



the time

the moments

the disappearing now

peeled its thin skin


to nothing


and that once far off moment in space


to be experienced and then vanished

into the vast universe


of past recollection-collections


We can keep some record

of our perceptions

in our personal and collective memories

in things we have made

to document the apparent creations

within this system of limited understanding


our living happenedings







When life is going well

we - humans - find it hard

to get along


what happens

when our external world


at a rate we cannot anticipate


will it break us even further apart


will it destroy our will, our crumbling-unity and our hearts


I see a need for peace

but the desires of fulfilling self-interests and greed

are overwhelmingly exceeding 

it seems


Industries, economies, wealth, security and fiscal policies

are almost always in the lead


There is no simple way forward

through total destruction and loss

comes growth


it is only when what we lose

what we most care for

(whether realized or not)

that we understand what is truly most important

that we now must do without



think like a millionaire



You must maintain a positive mental attitude, he said

and believe that anything is possible


Sure, I was thinking


Anything is possible

when you are willing to do Anything

without considering the ramifications


And what happens when you start thinking and acting

as though your well-being and hopes and dreams

supersede the needs of the earth and other beings


is that a positive thing?




For how many years

can one be starved of love and affection


how many times

can a soul take pain and humiliation

how much inflicted suffering

can one intake -before they cave in

and learn to fill

the emptiness of longing

with something in replacement


A soul can live without receiving love

for a lifetime

but something will eventually come along

as a substitution

to love


to fill them



Crown of shadows


It hangs over my head

like a crown of doom

the trillions of dreaded-dark-future possibilities

that loom

I do not wear the (possible) miracles

that tend to appear


No, I only carry the crown of woes, worries and fears


The uncertainties weigh down my shoulders and my heart

the thought of them make me shutter

about the next-coming test of plight


No matter how strong I've become

No matter how resilient or resourceful or intelligent

I can be

these impending woes have tremendous force

it seems


I want to take up arms

against them and fight 

these shadows of the future dark realms


that may might my might



Dizzy from going in circles


We could rid this country

(or any)

of tyranny

of the rich who rob the poor

of the ruling classes

who repress the people

(they are meant to care for)


We could protest, raise our voices and hands

in revolution


by taking back our rights

with angry, violent, fervent solutions


But what will happen

when the next group of humans

come in to fill the vacuum


they will only do the

those before them


they will continue reflecting

the rottenness of desire and will

that resides in the human heart

even still


in a repetitive-repressive circle




Do I create my reality?

as some might say


have I created what is happening in the Ukraine

what about the war in Afghanistan

am I responsible for the drone killings


is my reality-creating-ability

making instability in the Middle East

if some one dies today in Gaza or Syria or Palestine

is that because of some fault of mine


If someone decides to be unethical in America, Britain or China

or someone chooses to sell humans into slavery today


is this because of my minds negative-imagery-decay


Do I attract what I feel

If I feel better things

If I only imagine a better world

will bankers or governments suddenly stop stealing


will my good vibrations

stop the poverty and corruption within this nation


I think that my-our reality is many

in this space time continuum

and realities (consciousnesses)

are all bouncing off other realities - currently

creating ripples of actions and reactions and intentions

that make up the entire system


and there is One great reality

forming and overseeing the entire system

from its conception

and it is expanding in many directions


and I was brought to it

and will be taken away from it

at any given moment


So how can I create a reality



Gifts from dark things




The moments of darkness that I passed

were the experiences of pains and fears and doubts and losses and hurts


confronting fears head on

and then having to move through them

through all the worry and doubt

through actual physical suffering

a kind of negative, discomfort like pain

whether physical or emotional - it all equated to the same damn thing


but the losses were the hardest parts

knowing what I had to give up - then giving it up - then living without


and when thinking on things that I possessed and given up

things that I loved

people that I loved

(for good reason)


that caused even more suffering


it may have been my attachments to them

or it may have been my perception of them

or it may have been what I had once gotten from them

and in no longer having them - I felt a type of empty emotion


though if I am rational about having

then I know that nothing is or was mine

and it was all just a moment vanishing in the passage of time


Oh, but the pains they seem so real

I can recall them by means of a thought

and they will bubble to the surface causing tears

as though it was this very moment now

that they occurred


and those dark sufferings will eat away

the light and gratitude of blessings

if I let them


if I linger too long with them


Sometimes I let them come in

and we wallow together in a tortured dance of sorrow

over the pains of yesterday, now and tomorrow


Other times I close the door on them

as if they were never there

a kind of denial

and I wallow in some other substance

to hide from their dark shadows


and then there are times

when I say goodbye to them

and let them go into the great unknown

forgiving everything within their surroundings


and asking the Almighty to take them - the burdens

so that I no longer must feel them

And then I am sent gifts in return for them

gifts of understanding and wisdom


gifts from dark things



that I was brought into

that is totally non-nonsensical


*I can only contribute to reality within a very limited scope in the realm


test subject



I cannot know my own fragility

until I have been broken

and in my state of suffering and pain


I am made to realize, I am truly nothing


My wonder exists outside my frail being


My impermanence is a gift

these eyes, these senses will only be borrowed

for a time

and then they will be taken from my own sense of mine


so I choose to look through them

with gratitude

to the One who has made them


the rest of the impermanent beings

could say that life is an accident

not made of a Creator

and I would disagree


I can feel these thoughts flowing through me

these feelings, coming in and building in intensity

and then disappearing - into the great unknown

and those vibrations of Creation

are emanating


they are not nothing


as I am



I am white skinned, I have grey eyes like the British sky. I am British by citizenship and by heritage. I have grandparents that lived near this area (of Birmingham) before they immigrated to Canada in early 1900's. I have a Polish grandfather, who was a renowned architect in Ottawa; who's Major father, escaped the Nazi war in Poland and found safe haven on this British island. The Poles, migrants, who are now facing so much discrimination - since the EU's inception. The EU, who was meant to bring Europe closer together.

I had five children with a Berber, North African (the aboriginals of Algeria). I spent time living on his land, with his family, even went to their village in the Kabylie. I learned many new ways of seeing, compared to my own upbringing and took the best of what I learned from both of them.

I am still a French speaking Canadian. I spent time living in France and have an appreciation for their culture and land. The French, who colonized Algeria and murdered the great grandfather and grandmother (and countless other family members) of my children - during the seven year war against the Algerians. The Algerians struggled to gain back their independence which was taken away from them by France.

I had a first generation Canadian father, who was born in 1917 in Alberta; who was a distinguished Scientist with a PhD in Chemistry and used to teach and practice TM meditation. I have a British mother, who grew up in Liverpool (same place as the Beatles); who worked for the Federal government in Canada when I was a girl. The Canadians, who are all immigrants - unless they are a part of the First Nations; the aboriginals of Canada, who's land was stolen from them by the colonialists (mainly British, French and Spanish) who called the Natives, savages.

I am Christian, on my fathers side; I am Jewish, on my mothers side; I am a spiritual-Sufi, in my own mind. The Jews who were persecuted for centuries; who were slaughtered by the Nazis in World War Two. The Jews, who with help from the Christian-Colonialist-Britain stole Palestine away from the Muslim Palestinians (claiming it as their rightful Biblical land) keeping the Palestinians under occupation.

The Muslims, who are facing tyranny, war and destruction on so many of their lands; who have been fought by the Americans, the Europeans and friends (and even those that call themselves - Muslims). The Muslims who are divided among themselves according to their sects, ideology and nationalism (if only they would unify again); who's given legacy has been terrorism and extremism.


I once wore a hyjab before but tore it off when I couldn't tolerate the racism I was facing on this island - the same island that saved my grandfather from fascism.


I am a human.

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