POETRY

Mechanism

 

Behind the seen

is the unseen

the inner mechanism

 

and there are many layers inbetween

 

of perception and feeling

 

intertwined and transmitting

external vision or understanding

 

that lead to being -without-

 

from within

 

that create the entire illusion

 

of the existence of a person

Unknowing Knowing

 

Being human is very strange

we are ejected into this realm

 

some say -- with parents previously chosen

 

others say -- through random selection

 

Holy books state it is prewritten destination

 

Our being encapsulated into form

imprisoned within the fabrication of bounds and limitations

 

our atoms mostly empty space

but we embody race, DNA

 

some say -- we are made of clay

 

some say -- we are God made

 

others say -- we are evolutionary creatures with no purpose past this state of being

 

Certain masters claim that this experience is all illusion

like a nightmare or a dream

and we are not truly living

 

take a breath

it seems real to the senses

 

Born - live - die

 

some say -- only to live again

millions of years of reincarnation

 

not to mention the possibility

of other galaxies, universes parallel existences

 

Born into opportunity

 

some born as kings

others into abject poverty

to die straight away from malnutrition

 

Perhaps to go to heaven

or to be born again as a dolphin

or some other unknown entity

in some far off galaxy

 

We are brought up

instructed taught ideas, ideals, values

within the confines of our cultural constructs

 

given labels, names, language

ways to express our feelings

ways to view or see

reality

 

We experience

 

We reflect

 

We take what is around us

 

We make things, consume things

discard the unwanted, unneeded items

 

We move within structure

or cannot

 

Some of us perceive freedom

others know duty, responsibility

daily survival

 

depending on their own levels

 

We make choices, decisions

we react to any given situation or presentation

from the deepest reflections of our inner beings

through our actions

 

We manufacture the manifestations of our thoughts

into actualisation

 

some say -- as One

 

some operate in secret, in symbols

they move in the shadows

 

while others perceive a class struggle

 

Some think they have some power over what happens

they are creating their own reality

 

others see higher ups, oligarchies as the guiding forces

the true machines of manifestation manufacturing

 

There are many languages for religion

many pray, meditate on the idea of eternity

the everlasting

 

some have faith in the unseen

 

others are angered by the mere mention

of something that is unscientific, unproven

 

knowledge is evolving

 

Some kill other beings for consumption

for satisfying feelings (such as, anger or retribution)

others for a blood thirst quenching

 

some for warmongering

 

Great Masters have stated that all being has consciousness of some form

even rocks give off vibrations

 

Om

 

the beginning of all consciousness, all vibrations

 

We all come to an end

 

some are buried

some are burned

 

some say that is the infinite finality

there is no more than what was experienced here

 

others believe that is only the beginning

 

some have seen the Light waiting to greet them

 

and some await to see, feel, experince, question

 

The All Knowing

Needful things

 

We need leaders to lead


We need structure


organisation


We need to fit in


We need to be accepted in society


We need to be told, to be guided


We need to be devoted


and offer our support


come what may


We need an enemy


We need a competitor


We need something to strive for


We need purpose


We need money, fiat currency


even if it is unreal


We need to buy stuff


and make a living


and generate the economy


no matter the means


the ends are justified in each mind


We need illusion


We need to be lied to


We need to be instructed on reality


We need not see, hear or speak


We need each other


on either side of the coin


friend or foe


We need something to die for

Spiritual Fanatic

 

I have recently begun calling myself: a spiritual fanatic
because I love the paradox in the statement
 

I love religions
it’s one of my very favourite things!
 

But our world has become mixed up, confused
 

The spirit of religions
has been apprehended for political reasons
 

What we are witnessing
is not the essence of truth or teachings
 

it is usurp of religion
for bad intentions
 

There is a mask, a veil
before reality
making it - forest for the trees
 

Now
nothing is what it seems
and what it seems
is not the essence of the blessed teachings

What is Mercy?

 

When you come face to face

 

with the reflection

 

and you could choose to show your anger or wrath

 

in that moment

 

but instead - you hold back

 

Your rage is held under constraint

 

and your violence is kept under wraps

 

Patience covers

 

and your compassion arises

 

You see - in the other - yourself

 

the object of your love

 

and you recognize

 

your own wishes, your own hopes

 

in the reflection

 

through awareness

 

Grace overcomes

 

and Mercy is shown

 

as all other emotions to the contrary

 

are suppressed in your Loving action

 

Who owns Islam?

 

Who owns Islam

 

Who is going to tell me what to believe

or how to practice that belief

 

Am I going to bow down

out of fear

 

isn't it love and sincerity

a repentant heart

that bring me through the ultimate door

the one I long for

where the rivers flow

 

Who owns Islam

 

was it my first husband

who told me how to act, what to wear

and then cheated and lied and abused his loved ones

 

Is he the one who will open the door

to the green pastures

 

Who owns Islam

 

is it those who sell oil - sell their souls

to the devil

who guard the Mecca

who call the birthplace of our Beloved, their own

and then oppress all those

within their bounds

 

Who owns Islam

 

is it this sect or that one

 

I used to be told

“Be a Sunni. That is the only version that will be accepted, allowed.”

By whom - by Allah

I am Sufi Muslim

does that present a problem
I am esoteric believer 

a rejector of forced dogma

Does someone have a number I can dial

because I’d really like to know:

 

Who owns Islam?

Blind Faith

This life is a matter of perception

If you are a believer – and you are highly dedicated to a belief or faith or ideological system

If it is your perception that what you believe in is the ultimate truth and perfection

then it stands to reason

that you will be against anything that is an enemy – to that which denies the faith you believe in

 

If you cling to your belief system and its dictates

it is unlikely that you will question what it is asking

because faith itself demands a blind following

 

In fact, the act of questioning is the opposing action

to the action of faith itself

Faith, asks that you abandon your own mind  

to follow what you are asked

as a faithful person

 

If that faith, asks you to hate – or kill – or believe another person is an enemy

And you are a zealot to your own perception – you may do anything

believing that you are justified in your actions or

believing that the Almighty will uphold your actions

 

Turn that perception in 180 degrees to another human mind

and their faith or belief system or ideology will mirror your own

thereby making them in a percieved opposition

 

when in substance – the two are one

because in essence

 

they are fundamentally the same 

Limitless

What was once - a limit to my soul

is no more

 

The limit was passed

and a part of me - watched the other part of me

pass it

 

Nothing changed 

except that I had performed an action

that I would once have never allowed myself to act upon

 

I was no happier for it

as I was no happier for denying it

 

All pleasure - gleamed - was a vanishing moment of nothing

like grains of sand slipping through 

the spaces between my fingers

the only difference between the sand

and my actions -

the sand lands upon the ground and remains a grain

my actions vanish into the great unknown

 

Time passed - that cannot be grasped by any human sense

 

And on I went

wondering and acting

 

Did the limits mean anything

if the remorse or regret was not present 

if the faith was not strong enough to press its limitations

 

What am I - Who am I

with or without them

 

If all my moments are empty nothings

of movements towards a vanished state

 

of being

***

Can one both be and not be simultaneously?

Existence

Existence…

It’s a funny thing

Isn’t it

 

If you really think about it

No Country Exists

 

We are on a round ball floating in space

there are land masses under us

diversity of species around us – plants, animals, insects, birds

in a place we call,

Our World

 

We stand on the ground

only gravity hold us down

and we gather in groups or tribes

all with different looks, languages, colours, shapes and sizes

 

We have names for things--

in English we call the round ball,

Earth

 

and we have drawn imaginary boundaries between places on Earth

 

We have been given or elected leaders to rule over the places

ones that our minds have chosen to believe in

 

Over the centuries those land masses, those borders, those leaders

have all changed

and yet at this moment we identify them by their current names

 

And we have drawn imaginary lines on maps

So we can call them our own

and so we often fight over them (especially the resources within)

Claiming that we (whoever ‘we’ are) own them

 

But really, if you think about it –

do we own anything?

 

We don’t even stay on this round ball for very long

Each one of us – eventually goes home

 

So when we say that such and such a place

has a right to exist

 

It is just so that our imagination

can accept it

 

Vittorio Arrigoni

 

Vittorio Arrigoni

How did you become so brave?

 

I can see the light

the joy

the adventurous spirit

emanating from your soul

in photos - in videos

 

You are at peace now

 

Those of us who didn't know you

we too feel sorrow

sorrow that we were not fortunate enough

to have met you

heard your thoughts

or to know you personally

 

Vittorio,

you have died the death of a hero

and all heroes are with God

but your memory here

will keep living on

 

 

the created, creating

 

Humans are Puffed up

 

with arrogant pride

 

believing in the self

attached to the ego

 

the trappings of illusion - of dunia

ability

intelligence

wealth

belongings

ownership

 

and we buy into it

 

Yet, everything we use to create

is already a created, creation

 

every ability, thought

even our own consciousnesses

 

derive from the same ONE

the same Divine Source

 

and what we have

we are temporarily borrowing

 

it has all been lent - momentarily given

 

and we have the nerve

to take credit for it

we have the arrogance

to believe we had something to do with it

we have the pride

to think that we own it

 

When we are nothing

 

but a created being - inside a creation - creating from creation

 

and we will all be

returning

 

 

 

The Seed Transformation

 

 

Our emotions sway us

our devotions can blind us

in attachment

 

 

Either we are controlling the flow of the feelings

or they are persuading our actions

 

 

Our own senses can manipulate us

our momentary to momentary desires

can control our minds

along with the sensory images and information we perceive

during the now of consciousness

our paths determining currents of energy in connection

 

 

There is a seed of will

planted and expanding during the process of transformation

 

 

thought to action

 

 

Creation Creating 
Symbiotic Manifestation

 

 

 

A Way Out

 

She looks into his tiered, crying eyes

 

The hunger pangs in their stomachs

do not subside

 

He presses his limp body

into her pale, greying chest

 

They are both existing on the verge

of death

 

Weak, impoverished

No opportunities, no choice of exit

 

She asks God

from the depths of her heart

for hope

for an escape from this hardship

 

She wants to give him

what she doesn’t have

but the world surrounding

seems unjust, unfair, cruel

just plain bad

 

The land she works

with her delicate, wrinkled hands

is barren and dry from drought

her mind is consumed with endless doubts

 

She wonders to herself

If she’ll ever find

A Way Out

 

 

let it out

 

Painting is cathartic

 

Quick medicine

that sucks out all the negative energy

inisde me

 

Transforming it into something less destructive

 

so I can get on with – preparing

for the next insurmountable test coming

 

wonder what's next in store

to get ready for...

 

Oh Lord!

 

 

what love isn't

 

Love isn’t

being oppressed, isolated

or insulted

 

love isn’t

being lied to, neglected or belittled

 

it isn’t being hurt

followed by apologies

(no matter how many)

 

and love isn't being disrespected, used

or mistreated

 

 

the failed garden

 

 

My little garden,

 

I was forced to abandon you

When I broke my ankle

earlier this summer

 

I couldn’t tend to you – as I should have

Which makes me feel saddened

 

My veggie plants gave up their fight

the weeds took over – with their overpowering might

 

the slugs and snails had their fill

 

yet, my wild flowers survived even still

 

 

Unseen

 

I am not a human made classification

you cannot know me – by the land I was born on

by the colour of my skin

by the language I speak in

 

You will not see through to my heart

by the clothes I am wearing

or by the outer shell you are conceiving

 

I may call myself faithful

attach myself to others with common religious labels

but you will never grasp what I truly believe in

 

I cannot be seen with your eyes

your perception bars you from viewing my insides

 

If you were to know me by the actions

that your minds were glimpsing

you would only come to know your own projections

though a limited mind and capacity for understanding

 

I will never know you

even if we were inseparable companions in this illusionary realm

there would be depths and crevasses of you

that would never come into my view

 

because the spirit, the light and the soul are unseen values

 

 

uncertainty

 

 

I walk the slow walk

closer and closer to the light

 

infinitely perched on the edge

 

between this world

and the next

 

never knowing

when comes

the last breath

 

uncertainty

is all I possess

 

 

Patient Gratefulness

 

It's transcendent

the ability to hold off

to look beyond the present moment

in faithfulness and trust

 

What comes next

unfolds in secret

 

some say - it's predetermined

others say - it's self determined

 

However we choose to see it, it is unknown

the greatest mystery of all

 

time evolving

situations unraveling

 

in our limited awareness - state of uncertainty - capped ability

 

Adversity, strife, suffering

are no match to our patience, our thankfulness

 

for what we have

presently

(if we so choose to be)

 

This may be the best it ever gets

and there are a plethora of gifts

no matter the hell that they come with

 

When we wait - in a state - of gratefulness, endurance and patience

it's best

 

 

LOVE is

 

Do we know what LOVE is?

 

Have we come even closer (or further)

from understanding

 

It's not a word

in the language of our mind's translations

 

LOVE is

a reflection of our inner being

 

communicated through the medium of our actions

to the external contact that we connect with at any given moment

 

 

Nothing here to want

 

 

There is nothing here

in this realm

that will quench this longing

 

only You, only You

and You are unreachable

to my soul

 

I cannot touch you

as I long to

 

I think of You

I think of You

I think of You

 

I reach out to You

in my heart

in my prayer

in my thought

 

and it tears me apart

this separation

 

Nothing here fills my desires

Nothing here fills my lacking

Nothing here

 

Just reminders

 

 

a moment

 

 

What's in a moment

but a simple

- feeling -

 

the transmission of consciousness to thought to experience

and the reflection of it flowing back in

 

to the great nothing

 

evaporating

into the infinite continuation

of be-ing

 

 

rushing to nowhere

 

 

You were rushing

to a moment

that *you thought*

would bring happiness

at last

 

And the moments

in between

sped past

 

the moment you were hoping for

the moment you were living for

manifested into experience

 

not as luminescent

not as brilliant

not as perfect

 

as you expected

 

and afterward

you were left with a thirst

 

as empty

as the evaporated essence of time vanished

 

 

empty wells for empty shells

 

Is it ever filled-

that empty well wrapped in that illusionary shell

 

the more and more - desire - poured in

the more and more

 

wanting

 

It's set up

to appear

that there are certain desires that must be fulfilled here

 

but that is only the false perception

to detect the hidden

truth

of the inner being

 

That inner being will be removed from that illusionary shell

and all that will be left

are the intentions and deeds - perpetrated in this realm

 

 

not for profit

 

 

The Creator has given us everything
FOR FREE

the air that we breath
the organs
the blood
the body that keeps us moving

the land that we stand on
the resources that we depend on
the food we live on

the water we drink from

And we use everything GIVEN
like it is OURS
like we own it
and off it - we make our profits

taking from the creations
altering them
and sell, sell, selling

taking and taking and taking
without thinking

about each-others well being
and most often without thanking the One doing the endless giving

 

 

Lines, Shapes, Colours

 

Cleaning out the cob webs in my little, yellow art studio - this morning

rediscovering old sketch books

reminiscing

passing my fingers over forgotten pages

re-reading long lost poems

re-visiting images, drawings, paintings of chalks, charcoals, water-colours

remembering times spent in quiet observation, contemplation

attempts to capture the essence of a place, a moment, a person, a thought transferring them to a page to keep them

document them

hold onto them if even for a split-second longer

times that seemed so intense, so real, so present

yet vanished into nothingness

 

all that remains of them are a few lines, colours, shapes on a page

 

 

 

You're

 

 

In your perception

there is an external

experience

 

an interaction

with an environment

 

consciousness meeting consciousness

 

Internally there is a being

contained in a shell

meeting an external world

 

revealing its inner truth

through an external

 

illusion

 

Mirroring its being

through external translations-transactions

 

creating - creation

 

unveiling, unraveling

 

 

Wade

 

 

It is simple

to wade in external judgments

 

to think that perfection

will be achieved

if the external were only altered

radically

 

We have not been given a realm of perfection

- to be in -

for a reason

 

truth cannot be extracted

except in a state of imperfection

 

tribulations of every description

unveil the true inner being

 

uncovering the sincere hidden

layers within

 

 

 

Dad

 

 

You died when I was thirteen

here in England

 

I watched your body drop to the ground

at a petrol station

while I cried and screamed out to the highest heavens

 

I never forget that day

we stood inside an unfamiliar hospital room

the nurses told us

you were dead

and wouldn't be coming back home

ever again

 

I clenched your book and glasses in my hand

just in-case you needed them

but you never would need them

 

I cried and cried and cried

and mourned from then on

 

You were the one who stayed home to raise me

it was your unconditional love

your patience

your kindness

your brilliance

 

that formed me into the person

I am

 

I never stop missing you

 

I would give anything

for one more snuggle

one more moment to look into your eyes

and see your face, smile

 

I love you and I always will

 

 

 

origin

 

 

The path forming

originates from within

 

consciousness blossoming 

into thought

intermingling with desire and want

 

manifesting through the conjured will

into choice-decision-action

 

fabricating the being

of occurrence emerging

 

clashing with the reflective wills of origin

meeting

 

rippling through the fabric

of the - now - creation

 

burned into the memory of actualization

 

but vanishing back into the emptiness

of nothing

 

 

don't dog me

 

I am tiered of dogma

finished with the confining judgements of reflected perceptions

 

Minds that exist

in their own egotistical realm of perfected personification

 

Illusions that lose the essence and beauty

of the inner spirit-uality trying so desperately to reach them

 

I need to be free

within the parameters of my own conscience's dictations

 

I've seen, felt, experienced hypocrisy

at its finest

 

I've watched it tear away goodness

 

and for the moment

I am finished

 

Let me forge my own path

in my own understanding

from within the boundaries of my own limitations

free from oppression

 

I've only recently started breathing

 

 

 

Nina

 

 

You were always a bright light

fighting the good fight

wrought with external strife

in a shell that never worked 'right'

 

What an inspiration

you've always been

since we first met

at age thirteen

 

You had troubles moving, speaking

disabilities that were debilitating

but your pain and suffering never stopped you from doing anything

 

You were amazing!

 

And now you've left that shell

Your light is free to move beyond this realm

 

I wish to meet you again

in another land

where I can watch you soar

 

the beautiful inner being that you truly are

 

 

 

Dropped

 

 

I lay down in the bath

squeezed my oversized shell into the narrow space

my ample flesh protruded where it may

 

I rested my conditioned head on the hard porcelain

stared at the tiled wall in front of me

Watched the reflections of the light from my bathroom window

next to the darker reflections of my own body

lying there still, save for the rise and fall of my breath

 

My eyes fixed on the tiny drops of water that dripped down

colliding into other drops waiting

 

Waiting to be dragged down

into one

 

 

 

Humans

 

 

What do you think justice is

fulfilling your or 'your groups' own selfish-self interests?

 

What do you measure yourself against -

what limits do you limit your own self with?

 

Is protecting your so-called tribe

your name written in letters

(that you use to self-describe)

your imagined borders

drawn up in lines

representing blocks between earth, space

that exist not in the actual out-side

 

your illusionary differences

your make-believe barriers between humans

all bred and dead-ed in the same mannerisms

 

I am tiered of this planet being ruled by manics

I am tiered of watching them wreaking havoc

 

I've had it!

 

We are all one

 

but we choose to divide ourselves into sections

allow ourselves to act atrociously for the sake of our own self-protection

so that we entitle ourselves the permission

to live and act without any standard of moral or legal limitation

 

not as long as it means

forgoing the ego-driven-delusions

 

 

They 

 

 

They don't see

the layers

and the layers

underneath

 

they see very plainly

simply

 

not questioning

not toiling to understand

with any depth or vision

 

with a very shallow

empty

hollow

way of viewing

 

easily distracted

busy enamored with admiration

lust

envy

 

endless wanting

to fill their bottomless desires

 

jumping to conclusions

snapping to judgments

making sweeping statements

running from one inference to another

 

covering up ignorance

with criticisms

arrogance

superiority complexes

reckless disregard

 

asininely wondering

why the world is in turmoil

 

when the destruction

began within them

spreading their anger and hatred

like cancer

 

a reflection of their own

inner creations

 

 

 

Make Love Not War

 

You approach me

when my defenses are down

when my heart is worn

and aching

 

Your hands

are the first to conquer the boarder

like a warrior

in full body armor

 

I fight you off

resisting with all my strength

a wall of anger and hostility

built up

 

unwilling to surrender

my two guns pointed

ready to foil any attempts

of invasion

 

and your lips

are the next to hit

and I cannot resist

this bombardment

 

weakened by your massive passion

a tornado of emotions

swirling

anger, love, hurt, pain, desire and rapture

all mixed into one deadly concoction

 

we clash

wrapped up

wrestling

 

each one wanting to dominate

the other

 

we struggle

for control

 

but the harder we battle

the more we are caught up in a fury

of a blazing fire

 

destroyed by an explosion of ecstasy

annihilated by our lustful desires

 

 

 

Capitalism without Conscience

 

I completely understand why people enjoy

Capitalism

 

They want to excel at their abilities

without boundaries and limitations

 

The problem comes when people practice

Capitalism without Conscience

 

What happens when that inner drive

turns to greed

and all of a sudden

you are planning schemes

on how to get even more wealthy

 

So you decide to manufacture

your products in third world countries

where you can get away

with paying paltry salaries

in countires where there are very few

rules and regulations

 

Yes

you will become wealthier and wealthier

but that wealth is made on all the backs

of those who are suffering

 

While you are enjoying

the lap of luxury

You are burning up all your blessings

by creating suffering

 

You are constantly being monitored

your actions are being recorded

you have an angel on the right and the left

these blessings are really a test

 

there is no ultimate gain

by creating this imbalance

 

You are actually putting your own soul in

Peril

 

 

 

The Pursuit of Happiness 

 

 

What happens when a person's happiness

is realized through achieving their own self interest

 

Can your happiness and my happiness co-exist

 

What happens when your sense of happiness

and my sense of happiness conflict

 

When we share opposite goals

opposite self interests

when we have opposing ideals and dreams

Who's happiness supersedes

 

If neither of us

is willing to sacrifice

our hopes and wishes

 

my self interests and your self interests

will clash

then one of our dreams

will be extinguished

 

one of us will be crushed

 

Isn't the pursuit of self interest

driven happiness

the real enemy

to both of us

 

Perhaps, the pursuit of this kind of self fulfillment

is the absolutely wrong priority

to begin with

 

 

No-thing

 

 

I used to - think - there was something

missing

 

something worth pursuing

 

A wanting needing fulfilling

 

And all the wanting that came in the form of having

was given in a world surrounded in pain and suffering

(mine or someone else's)

and it was still there - that inner aching

that empty, needful being

that never could be filled with anything

 

because the world of - having - could never produce perfection

 

Having or not having was the same thing all along

 

Wanting or not wanting

produced the same outcome

 

and so I've come all this way

to want nothing

 

but salvation

 

 

 

Unacceptable acceptance

 

 

I don't need your acceptance

I don't want you to tell me what's acceptable

I don't want your unsolicited advice

about what I should do in my own life

 

I believe in God

I believe I am being judged by my own intentions and actions

 

I believe my struggles, tests, faults, blessings

are my own

to deal with

that is how my inner being is being revealed

here

 

If I have challenges to live with - or overcome

that's mine

that's my burden to carry

and your - acceptance or nonacceptance - of something

will not change anything

 

If you wish to express - goodness, kindness, gentleness

I will be glad to receive it

but only because it will be the salvation for your own being

and your salvation

is then - pleasing

 

and very much

 

your own

 

 

 

Transmission

 

 

It is transmitted

by your eyes, by your ears

absorbed into your mind

 

that complex chasm

which holds your current perceptions

 

Your self formed understandings

of this grand illusion's building

 

And you take it all in

mixing it with your myriad of emotions

that taint all those conceived realizations

which drive you to action

 

Desires of the self

blossom into the intentions of your being

and you are moved along

 

In the vehicle of your own conception

 

In a space that was created

before your coming

and that exists beyond your departure

 

from this self-apparent realm

 

 

 

flux

 

 

There is nothing solid here

(in this vision)

everything is in a state of flux

movement, change

alteration

 

We are molecules of vibration

 

clay-clanged into form

 

so that we may understand

a self-realized-reality

as it forms

 

This fragility of shell upon shell upon shell

only hits us

in moments

we deem - perception-wise - unwell

 

The rest of the time

most of the light covered shells

find the illusion of solidity

through the sensory

cells (sells)

 

 

 

let it be a flower 

 

 

It would be nice

if we never had to - create another reason - to wear another poppy

 

If we could put an end

a real, absolute and final end

to wars and fighting

 

If we could stop finding

reasons

to kill

murder

destroy

 

others

 

For no good reason whatsoever

 

If we could let a poppy

be a flower

 

instead of making it into a symbol

of the fallen soldiers

 

(I think that would be a much better way to honour them)

 

 

Compassionate man-effect-station

 

We hear more and more

these days

about manifesting our dreams

by believing in actualization

 

ask-believe-receive

 

but what are the basis of our beliefs

that we wish to make happen

 

what are we willing to do

to accomplish them

 

We are invited to abandon fear and doubt

in return for great success, abundance and wealth

 

but what if that fear and doubt

is somehow good for our spiritual heath

 

If you no longer fear

- the hurt -

you could cause another

then you have started a process

to strip away

the compassion and the empathy

that was - the others - protection

 

During the process of actualization

there are layers upon layers

of actions and reactions

that are caused

most far beyond our capacity

to see, comprehend or fathom

 

If we are given

to this kind of self-satisfaction-satiation

 

we must awaken

to the impact

that those realized dreams are having

 

and see the universal ripples

they are making

 

It is unethical to manifest

without empathy, understanding and compassion

we need to be thinking

more deeply

before ever asking the universe for anything

 

and realize

the unity of our grand connection

 

 

 

Happenedings

 

 

It was a point

 

very far off in the distance

it felt like an eternity away

 

from now

 

it was a date on a calendar

 

there was no guarantee

we would make it there

 

but

the time

the moments

the disappearing now

peeled its thin skin

 

to nothing

 

and that once far off moment in space

appeared

to be experienced and then vanished

into the vast universe

 

of past recollection-collections

 

We can keep some record

of our perceptions

in our personal and collective memories

in things we have made

to document the apparent creations

within this system of limited understanding

 

our living happenedings

 

 

 

Without

 

 

When life is going well

we - humans - find it hard

to get along

 

what happens

when our external world

changes

at a rate we cannot anticipate

 

will it break us even further apart

 

will it destroy our will, our crumbling-unity and our hearts

 

I see a need for peace

but the desires of fulfilling self-interests and greed

are overwhelmingly exceeding 

it seems

 

Industries, economies, wealth, security and fiscal policies

are almost always in the lead

 

There is no simple way forward

through total destruction and loss

comes growth

 

it is only when what we lose

what we most care for

(whether realized or not)

that we understand what is truly most important

that we now must do without

 

 

think like a millionaire

 

 

You must maintain a positive mental attitude, he said

and believe that anything is possible

 

Sure, I was thinking

 

Anything is possible

when you are willing to do Anything

without considering the ramifications

 

And what happens when you start thinking and acting

as though your well-being and hopes and dreams

supersede the needs of the earth and other beings

 

is that a positive thing?

 

Substitute

 

For how many years

can one be starved of love and affection

 

how many times

can a soul take pain and humiliation

how much inflicted suffering

can one intake -before they cave in

and learn to fill

the emptiness of longing

with something in replacement

 

A soul can live without receiving love

for a lifetime

but something will eventually come along

as a substitution

to love

 

to fill them

 

 

Crown of shadows

 

It hangs over my head

like a crown of doom

the trillions of dreaded-dark-future possibilities

that loom

I do not wear the (possible) miracles

that tend to appear

 

No, I only carry the crown of woes, worries and fears

 

The uncertainties weigh down my shoulders and my heart

the thought of them make me shutter

about the next-coming test of plight

 

No matter how strong I've become

No matter how resilient or resourceful or intelligent

I can be

these impending woes have tremendous force

it seems

 

I want to take up arms

against them and fight 

these shadows of the future dark realms

 

that may might my might

 

 

Dizzy from going in circles

 

We could rid this country

(or any)

of tyranny

of the rich who rob the poor

of the ruling classes

who repress the people

(they are meant to care for)

 

We could protest, raise our voices and hands

in revolution

 

by taking back our rights

with angry, violent, fervent solutions

 

But what will happen

when the next group of humans

come in to fill the vacuum

 

they will only do the

those before them

 

they will continue reflecting

the rottenness of desire and will

that resides in the human heart

even still

 

in a repetitive-repressive circle

 

Nonsense

 

Do I create my reality?

as some might say

 

have I created what is happening in the Ukraine

what about the war in Afghanistan

am I responsible for the drone killings

 

is my reality-creating-ability

making instability in the Middle East

if some one dies today in Gaza or Syria or Palestine

is that because of some fault of mine

 

If someone decides to be unethical in America, Britain or China

or someone chooses to sell humans into slavery today

 

is this because of my minds negative-imagery-decay

 

Do I attract what I feel

If I feel better things

If I only imagine a better world

will bankers or governments suddenly stop stealing

 

will my good vibrations

stop the poverty and corruption within this nation

 

I think that my-our reality is many

in this space time continuum

and realities (consciousnesses)

are all bouncing off other realities - currently

creating ripples of actions and reactions and intentions

that make up the entire system

 

and there is One great reality

forming and overseeing the entire system

from its conception

and it is expanding in many directions

 

and I was brought to it

and will be taken away from it

at any given moment

 

So how can I create a reality

 

 

Gifts from dark things

 

 

 

The moments of darkness that I passed

were the experiences of pains and fears and doubts and losses and hurts

 

confronting fears head on

and then having to move through them

through all the worry and doubt

through actual physical suffering

a kind of negative, discomfort like pain

whether physical or emotional - it all equated to the same damn thing

 

but the losses were the hardest parts

knowing what I had to give up - then giving it up - then living without

 

and when thinking on things that I possessed and given up

things that I loved

people that I loved

(for good reason)

 

that caused even more suffering

 

it may have been my attachments to them

or it may have been my perception of them

or it may have been what I had once gotten from them

and in no longer having them - I felt a type of empty emotion

 

though if I am rational about having

then I know that nothing is or was mine

and it was all just a moment vanishing in the passage of time

 

Oh, but the pains they seem so real

I can recall them by means of a thought

and they will bubble to the surface causing tears

as though it was this very moment now

that they occurred

 

and those dark sufferings will eat away

the light and gratitude of blessings

if I let them

 

if I linger too long with them

 

Sometimes I let them come in

and we wallow together in a tortured dance of sorrow

over the pains of yesterday, now and tomorrow

 

Other times I close the door on them

as if they were never there

a kind of denial

and I wallow in some other substance

to hide from their dark shadows

 

and then there are times

when I say goodbye to them

and let them go into the great unknown

forgiving everything within their surroundings

 

and asking the Almighty to take them - the burdens

so that I no longer must feel them

And then I am sent gifts in return for them

gifts of understanding and wisdom

 

gifts from dark things

 

 

that I was brought into

that is totally non-nonsensical

 

*I can only contribute to reality within a very limited scope in the realm
 

 

test subject

 

 

I cannot know my own fragility

until I have been broken

and in my state of suffering and pain

 

I am made to realize, I am truly nothing

 

My wonder exists outside my frail being

 

My impermanence is a gift

these eyes, these senses will only be borrowed

for a time

and then they will be taken from my own sense of mine

 

so I choose to look through them

with gratitude

to the One who has made them

 

the rest of the impermanent beings

could say that life is an accident

not made of a Creator

and I would disagree

 

I can feel these thoughts flowing through me

these feelings, coming in and building in intensity

and then disappearing - into the great unknown

and those vibrations of Creation

are emanating

 

they are not nothing

 

as I am

***

I AM

I am white skinned, I have grey eyes like the British sky. I am British by citizenship and by heritage. I have grandparents that lived near this area (of Birmingham) before they immigrated to Canada in early 1900's. I have a Polish grandfather, who was a renowned architect in Ottawa; who's Major father, escaped the Nazi war in Poland and found safe haven on this British island. The Poles, migrants, who are now facing so much discrimination - since the EU's inception. The EU, who was meant to bring Europe closer together.

I had five children with a Berber, North African (the aboriginals of Algeria). I spent time living on his land, with his family, even went to their village in the Kabylie. I learned many new ways of seeing, compared to my own upbringing and took the best of what I learned from both of them.

I am still a French speaking Canadian. I spent time living in France and have an appreciation for their culture and land. The French, who colonized Algeria and murdered the great grandfather and grandmother (and countless other family members) of my children - during the seven year war against the Algerians. The Algerians struggled to gain back their independence which was taken away from them by France.

I had a first generation Canadian father, who was born in 1917 in Alberta; who was a distinguished Scientist with a PhD in Chemistry and used to teach and practice TM meditation. I have a British mother, who grew up in Liverpool (same place as the Beatles); who worked for the Federal government in Canada when I was a girl. The Canadians, who are all immigrants - unless they are a part of the First Nations; the aboriginals of Canada, who's land was stolen from them by the colonialists (mainly British, French and Spanish) who called the Natives, savages.

I am Christian, on my fathers side; I am Jewish, on my mothers side; I am a spiritual-Sufi, in my own mind. The Jews who were persecuted for centuries; who were slaughtered by the Nazis in World War Two. The Jews, who with help from the Christian-Colonialist-Britain stole Palestine away from the Muslim Palestinians (claiming it as their rightful Biblical land) keeping the Palestinians under occupation.

The Muslims, who are facing tyranny, war and destruction on so many of their lands; who have been fought by the Americans, the Europeans and friends (and even those that call themselves - Muslims). The Muslims who are divided among themselves according to their sects, ideology and nationalism (if only they would unify again); who's given legacy has been terrorism and extremism.

 

I once wore a hyjab before but tore it off when I couldn't tolerate the racism I was facing on this island - the same island that saved my grandfather from fascism.

 

I am a human.

© Tashi Farmilo-Marouf