POETRY
Mechanism
Behind the seen
is the unseen
the inner mechanism
and there are many layers inbetween
of perception and feeling
intertwined and transmitting
external vision or understanding
that lead to being -without-
from within
that create the entire illusion
of the existence of a person
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Unknowing Knowing
Being human is very strange
we are ejected into this realm
some say -- with parents previously chosen
others say -- through random selection
Holy books state it is prewritten destination
Our being encapsulated into form
imprisoned within the fabrication of bounds and limitations
our atoms mostly empty space
but we embody race, DNA
some say -- we are made of clay
some say -- we are God made
others say -- we are evolutionary creatures with no purpose past this state of being
Certain masters claim that this experience is all illusion
like a nightmare or a dream
and we are not truly living
take a breath
it seems real to the senses
Born - live - die
some say -- only to live again
millions of years of reincarnation
not to mention the possibility
of other galaxies, universes parallel existences
Born into opportunity
some born as kings
others into abject poverty
to die straight away from malnutrition
Perhaps to go to heaven
or to be born again as a dolphin
or some other unknown entity
in some far off galaxy
We are brought up
instructed taught ideas, ideals, values
within the confines of our cultural constructs
given labels, names, language
ways to express our feelings
ways to view or see
reality
We experience
We reflect
We take what is around us
We make things, consume things
discard the unwanted, unneeded items
We move within structure
or cannot
Some of us perceive freedom
others know duty, responsibility
daily survival
depending on their own levels
We make choices, decisions
we react to any given situation or presentation
from the deepest reflections of our inner beings
through our actions
We manufacture the manifestations of our thoughts
into actualisation
some say -- as One
some operate in secret, in symbols
they move in the shadows
while others perceive a class struggle
Some think they have some power over what happens
they are creating their own reality
others see higher ups, oligarchies as the guiding forces
the true machines of manifestation manufacturing
There are many languages for religion
many pray, meditate on the idea of eternity
the everlasting
some have faith in the unseen
others are angered by the mere mention
of something that is unscientific, unproven
knowledge is evolving
Some kill other beings for consumption
for satisfying feelings (such as, anger or retribution)
others for a blood thirst quenching
some for warmongering
Great Masters have stated that all being has consciousness of some form
even rocks give off vibrations
Om
the beginning of all consciousness, all vibrations
We all come to an end
some are buried
some are burned
some say that is the infinite finality
there is no more than what was experienced here
others believe that is only the beginning
some have seen the Light waiting to greet them
and some await to see, feel, experince, question
The All Knowing
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Needful things
We need leaders to lead
We need structure
organisation
We need to fit in
We need to be accepted in society
We need to be told, to be guided
We need to be devoted
and offer our support
come what may
We need an enemy
We need a competitor
We need something to strive for
We need purpose
We need money, fiat currency
even if it is unreal
We need to buy stuff
and make a living
and generate the economy
no matter the means
the ends are justified in each mind
We need illusion
We need to be lied to
We need to be instructed on reality
We need not see, hear or speak
We need each other
on either side of the coin
friend or foe
We need something to die for
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Spiritual Fanatic
I have recently begun calling myself: a spiritual fanatic
because I love the paradox in the statement
I love religions
it’s one of my very favourite things!
But our world has become mixed up, confused
The spirit of religions
has been apprehended for political reasons
What we are witnessing
is not the essence of truth or teachings
it is usurp of religion
for bad intentions
There is a mask, a veil
before reality
making it - forest for the trees
Now
nothing is what it seems
and what it seems
is not the essence of the blessed teachings
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What is Mercy?
When you come face to face
with the reflection
and you could choose to show your anger or wrath
in that moment
but instead - you hold back
Your rage is held under constraint
and your violence is kept under wraps
Patience covers
and your compassion arises
You see - in the other - yourself
the object of your love
and you recognize
your own wishes, your own hopes
in the reflection
through awareness
Grace overcomes
and Mercy is shown
as all other emotions to the contrary
are suppressed in your Loving action
Who owns Islam?
Who owns Islam
Who is going to tell me what to believe
or how to practice that belief
Am I going to bow down
out of fear
isn't it love and sincerity
a repentant heart
that bring me through the ultimate door
the one I long for
where the rivers flow
Who owns Islam
was it my first husband
who told me how to act, what to wear
and then cheated and lied and abused his loved ones
Is he the one who will open the door
to the green pastures
Who owns Islam
is it those who sell oil - sell their souls
to the devil
who guard the Mecca
who call the birthplace of our Beloved, their own
and then oppress all those
within their bounds
Who owns Islam
is it this sect or that one
I used to be told
“Be a Sunni. That is the only version that will be accepted, allowed.”
By whom - by Allah
​
I am Sufi Muslim
does that present a problem
I am esoteric believer
a rejector of forced dogma
​
Does someone have a number I can dial
because I’d really like to know:
Who owns Islam?
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Blind Faith
This life is a matter of perception
​
If you are a believer – and you are highly dedicated to a belief or faith or ideological system
If it is your perception that what you believe in is the ultimate truth and perfection
then it stands to reason
that you will be against anything that is an enemy – to that which denies the faith you believe in
If you cling to your belief system and its dictates
it is unlikely that you will question what it is asking
because faith itself demands a blind following
In fact, the act of questioning is the opposing action
to the action of faith itself
Faith, asks that you abandon your own mind
to follow what you are asked
as a faithful person
If that faith, asks you to hate – or kill – or believe another person is an enemy
And you are a zealot to your own perception – you may do anything
believing that you are justified in your actions or
believing that the Almighty will uphold your actions
Turn that perception in 180 degrees to another human mind
and their faith or belief system or ideology will mirror your own
thereby making them in a percieved opposition
when in substance – the two are one
because in essence
they are fundamentally the same
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Limitless
What was once - a limit to my soul
is no more
The limit was passed
and a part of me - watched the other part of me
pass it
Nothing changed
except that I had performed an action
that I would once have never allowed myself to act upon
I was no happier for it
as I was no happier for denying it
All pleasure - gleamed - was a vanishing moment of nothing
like grains of sand slipping through
the spaces between my fingers
the only difference between the sand
and my actions -
the sand lands upon the ground and remains a grain
my actions vanish into the great unknown
Time passed - that cannot be grasped by any human sense
And on I went
wondering and acting
Did the limits mean anything
if the remorse or regret was not present
if the faith was not strong enough to press its limitations
What am I - Who am I
with or without them
If all my moments are empty nothings
of movements towards a vanished state
of being
***
Can one both be and not be simultaneously?
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Existence
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Existence…
It’s a funny thing
Isn’t it
If you really think about it
No Country Exists
We are on a round ball floating in space
there are land masses under us
diversity of species around us – plants, animals, insects, birds
in a place we call,
Our World
We stand on the ground
only gravity hold us down
and we gather in groups or tribes
all with different looks, languages, colours, shapes and sizes
We have names for things--
in English we call the round ball,
Earth
and we have drawn imaginary boundaries between places on Earth
We have been given or elected leaders to rule over the places
ones that our minds have chosen to believe in
Over the centuries those land masses, those borders, those leaders
have all changed
and yet at this moment we identify them by their current names
And we have drawn imaginary lines on maps
So we can call them our own
and so we often fight over them (especially the resources within)
Claiming that we (whoever ‘we’ are) own them
But really, if you think about it –
do we own anything?
We don’t even stay on this round ball for very long
Each one of us – eventually goes home
So when we say that such and such a place
has a right to exist
It is just so that our imagination
can accept it
Vittorio Arrigoni
Vittorio Arrigoni
How did you become so brave?
I can see the light
the joy
the adventurous spirit
emanating from your soul
in photos - in videos
You are at peace now
Those of us who didn't know you
we too feel sorrow
sorrow that we were not fortunate enough
to have met you
heard your thoughts
or to know you personally
Vittorio,
you have died the death of a hero
and all heroes are with God
but your memory here
will keep living on
the created, creating
Humans are Puffed up
with arrogant pride
believing in the self
attached to the ego
the trappings of illusion - of dunia
ability
intelligence
wealth
belongings
ownership
and we buy into it
Yet, everything we use to create
is already a created, creation
every ability, thought
even our own consciousnesses
derive from the same ONE
the same Divine Source
and what we have
we are temporarily borrowing
it has all been lent - momentarily given
and we have the nerve
to take credit for it
we have the arrogance
to believe we had something to do with it
we have the pride
to think that we own it
When we are nothing
but a created being - inside a creation - creating from creation
and we will all be
returning
The Seed Transformation
Our emotions sway us
our devotions can blind us
in attachment
Either we are controlling the flow of the feelings
or they are persuading our actions
Our own senses can manipulate us
our momentary to momentary desires
can control our minds
along with the sensory images and information we perceive
during the now of consciousness
our paths determining currents of energy in connection
There is a seed of will
planted and expanding during the process of transformation
thought to action
Creation Creating
Symbiotic Manifestation
A Way Out
She looks into his tiered, crying eyes
The hunger pangs in their stomachs
do not subside
He presses his limp body
into her pale, greying chest
They are both existing on the verge
of death
Weak, impoverished
No opportunities, no choice of exit
She asks God
from the depths of her heart
for hope
for an escape from this hardship
She wants to give him
what she doesn’t have
but the world surrounding
seems unjust, unfair, cruel
just plain bad
The land she works
with her delicate, wrinkled hands
is barren and dry from drought
her mind is consumed with endless doubts
She wonders to herself
If she’ll ever find
A Way Out
let it out
Painting is cathartic
Quick medicine
that sucks out all the negative energy
inisde me
Transforming it into something less destructive
so I can get on with – preparing
for the next insurmountable test coming
wonder what's next in store
to get ready for...
Oh Lord!
what love isn't
Love isn’t
being oppressed, isolated
or insulted
love isn’t
being lied to, neglected or belittled
it isn’t being hurt
followed by apologies
(no matter how many)
and love isn't being disrespected, used
or mistreated
the failed garden
My little garden,
I was forced to abandon you
When I broke my ankle
earlier this summer
I couldn’t tend to you – as I should have
Which makes me feel saddened
My veggie plants gave up their fight
the weeds took over – with their overpowering might
the slugs and snails had their fill
yet, my wild flowers survived even still
Unseen
I am not a human made classification
you cannot know me – by the land I was born on
by the colour of my skin
by the language I speak in
You will not see through to my heart
by the clothes I am wearing
or by the outer shell you are conceiving
I may call myself faithful
attach myself to others with common religious labels
but you will never grasp what I truly believe in
I cannot be seen with your eyes
your perception bars you from viewing my insides
If you were to know me by the actions
that your minds were glimpsing
you would only come to know your own projections
though a limited mind and capacity for understanding
I will never know you
even if we were inseparable companions in this illusionary realm
there would be depths and crevasses of you
that would never come into my view
because the spirit, the light and the soul are unseen values
uncertainty
I walk the slow walk
closer and closer to the light
infinitely perched on the edge
between this world
and the next
never knowing
when comes
the last breath
uncertainty
is all I possess
Patient Gratefulness
It's transcendent
the ability to hold off
to look beyond the present moment
in faithfulness and trust
What comes next
unfolds in secret
some say - it's predetermined
others say - it's self determined
However we choose to see it, it is unknown
the greatest mystery of all
time evolving
situations unraveling
in our limited awareness - state of uncertainty - capped ability
Adversity, strife, suffering
are no match to our patience, our thankfulness
for what we have
presently
(if we so choose to be)
This may be the best it ever gets
and there are a plethora of gifts
no matter the hell that they come with
When we wait - in a state - of gratefulness, endurance and patience
it's best
LOVE is
Do we know what LOVE is?
Have we come even closer (or further)
from understanding
It's not a word
in the language of our mind's translations
LOVE is
a reflection of our inner being
communicated through the medium of our actions
to the external contact that we connect with at any given moment
Nothing here to want
There is nothing here
in this realm
that will quench this longing
only You, only You
and You are unreachable
to my soul
I cannot touch you
as I long to
I think of You
I think of You
I think of You
I reach out to You
in my heart
in my prayer
in my thought
and it tears me apart
this separation
Nothing here fills my desires
Nothing here fills my lacking
Nothing here
Just reminders
a moment
What's in a moment
but a simple
- feeling -
the transmission of consciousness to thought to experience
and the reflection of it flowing back in
to the great nothing
evaporating
into the infinite continuation
of be-ing
rushing to nowhere
You were rushing
to a moment
that *you thought*
would bring happiness
at last
And the moments
in between
sped past
the moment you were hoping for
the moment you were living for
manifested into experience
not as luminescent
not as brilliant
not as perfect
as you expected
and afterward
you were left with a thirst
as empty
as the evaporated essence of time vanished
empty wells for empty shells
Is it ever filled-
that empty well wrapped in that illusionary shell
the more and more - desire - poured in
the more and more
wanting
It's set up
to appear
that there are certain desires that must be fulfilled here
but that is only the false perception
to detect the hidden
truth
of the inner being
That inner being will be removed from that illusionary shell
and all that will be left
are the intentions and deeds - perpetrated in this realm
not for profit
The Creator has given us everything
FOR FREE
the air that we breath
the organs
the blood
the body that keeps us moving
the land that we stand on
the resources that we depend on
the food we live on
the water we drink from
And we use everything GIVEN
like it is OURS
like we own it
and off it - we make our profits
taking from the creations
altering them
and sell, sell, selling
taking and taking and taking
without thinking
about each-others well being
and most often without thanking the One doing the endless giving
Lines, Shapes, Colours
Cleaning out the cob webs in my little, yellow art studio - this morning
rediscovering old sketch books
reminiscing
passing my fingers over forgotten pages
re-reading long lost poems
re-visiting images, drawings, paintings of chalks, charcoals, water-colours
remembering times spent in quiet observation, contemplation
attempts to capture the essence of a place, a moment, a person, a thought transferring them to a page to keep them
document them
hold onto them if even for a split-second longer
times that seemed so intense, so real, so present
yet vanished into nothingness
all that remains of them are a few lines, colours, shapes on a page
You're
In your perception
there is an external
experience
an interaction
with an environment
consciousness meeting consciousness
Internally there is a being
contained in a shell
meeting an external world
revealing its inner truth
through an external
illusion
Mirroring its being
through external translations-transactions
creating - creation
unveiling, unraveling
Wade
It is simple
to wade in external judgments
to think that perfection
will be achieved
if the external were only altered
radically
We have not been given a realm of perfection
- to be in -
for a reason
truth cannot be extracted
except in a state of imperfection
tribulations of every description
unveil the true inner being
uncovering the sincere hidden
layers within
Dad
You died when I was thirteen
here in England
I watched your body drop to the ground
at a petrol station
while I cried and screamed out to the highest heavens
I never forget that day
we stood inside an unfamiliar hospital room
the nurses told us
you were dead
and wouldn't be coming back home
ever again
I clenched your book and glasses in my hand
just in-case you needed them
but you never would need them
I cried and cried and cried
and mourned from then on
You were the one who stayed home to raise me
it was your unconditional love
your patience
your kindness
your brilliance
that formed me into the person
I am
I never stop missing you
I would give anything
for one more snuggle
one more moment to look into your eyes
and see your face, smile
I love you and I always will
origin
The path forming
originates from within
consciousness blossoming
into thought
intermingling with desire and want
manifesting through the conjured will
into choice-decision-action
fabricating the being
of occurrence emerging
clashing with the reflective wills of origin
meeting
rippling through the fabric
of the - now - creation
burned into the memory of actualization
but vanishing back into the emptiness
of nothing
don't dog me
I am tiered of dogma
finished with the confining judgements of reflected perceptions
Minds that exist
in their own egotistical realm of perfected personification
Illusions that lose the essence and beauty
of the inner spirit-uality trying so desperately to reach them
I need to be free
within the parameters of my own conscience's dictations
I've seen, felt, experienced hypocrisy
at its finest
I've watched it tear away goodness
and for the moment
I am finished
Let me forge my own path
in my own understanding
from within the boundaries of my own limitations
free from oppression
I've only recently started breathing
Nina
You were always a bright light
fighting the good fight
wrought with external strife
in a shell that never worked 'right'
What an inspiration
you've always been
since we first met
at age thirteen
You had troubles moving, speaking
disabilities that were debilitating
but your pain and suffering never stopped you from doing anything
You were amazing!
And now you've left that shell
Your light is free to move beyond this realm
I wish to meet you again
in another land
where I can watch you soar
the beautiful inner being that you truly are
Dropped
I lay down in the bath
squeezed my oversized shell into the narrow space
my ample flesh protruded where it may
I rested my conditioned head on the hard porcelain
stared at the tiled wall in front of me
Watched the reflections of the light from my bathroom window
next to the darker reflections of my own body
lying there still, save for the rise and fall of my breath
My eyes fixed on the tiny drops of water that dripped down
colliding into other drops waiting
Waiting to be dragged down
into one
Humans
What do you think justice is
fulfilling your or 'your groups' own selfish-self interests?
What do you measure yourself against -
what limits do you limit your own self with?
Is protecting your so-called tribe
your name written in letters
(that you use to self-describe)
your imagined borders
drawn up in lines
representing blocks between earth, space
that exist not in the actual out-side
your illusionary differences
your make-believe barriers between humans
all bred and dead-ed in the same mannerisms
I am tiered of this planet being ruled by manics
I am tiered of watching them wreaking havoc
I've had it!
We are all one
but we choose to divide ourselves into sections
allow ourselves to act atrociously for the sake of our own self-protection
so that we entitle ourselves the permission
to live and act without any standard of moral or legal limitation
not as long as it means
forgoing the ego-driven-delusions
They
They don't see
the layers
and the layers
underneath
they see very plainly
simply
not questioning
not toiling to understand
with any depth or vision
with a very shallow
empty
hollow
way of viewing
easily distracted
busy enamored with admiration
lust
envy
endless wanting
to fill their bottomless desires
jumping to conclusions
snapping to judgments
making sweeping statements
running from one inference to another
covering up ignorance
with criticisms
arrogance
superiority complexes
reckless disregard
asininely wondering
why the world is in turmoil
when the destruction
began within them
spreading their anger and hatred
like cancer
a reflection of their own
inner creations
Make Love Not War
You approach me
when my defenses are down
when my heart is worn
and aching
Your hands
are the first to conquer the boarder
like a warrior
in full body armor
I fight you off
resisting with all my strength
a wall of anger and hostility
built up
unwilling to surrender
my two guns pointed
ready to foil any attempts
of invasion
and your lips
are the next to hit
and I cannot resist
this bombardment
weakened by your massive passion
a tornado of emotions
swirling
anger, love, hurt, pain, desire and rapture
all mixed into one deadly concoction
we clash
wrapped up
wrestling
each one wanting to dominate
the other
we struggle
for control
but the harder we battle
the more we are caught up in a fury
of a blazing fire
destroyed by an explosion of ecstasy
annihilated by our lustful desires
Capitalism without Conscience
I completely understand why people enjoy
Capitalism
They want to excel at their abilities
without boundaries and limitations
The problem comes when people practice
Capitalism without Conscience
What happens when that inner drive
turns to greed
and all of a sudden
you are planning schemes
on how to get even more wealthy
So you decide to manufacture
your products in third world countries
where you can get away
with paying paltry salaries
in countires where there are very few
rules and regulations
Yes
you will become wealthier and wealthier
but that wealth is made on all the backs
of those who are suffering
While you are enjoying
the lap of luxury
You are burning up all your blessings
by creating suffering
You are constantly being monitored
your actions are being recorded
you have an angel on the right and the left
these blessings are really a test
there is no ultimate gain
by creating this imbalance
You are actually putting your own soul in
Peril
The Pursuit of Happiness
What happens when a person's happiness
is realized through achieving their own self interest
Can your happiness and my happiness co-exist
What happens when your sense of happiness
and my sense of happiness conflict
When we share opposite goals
opposite self interests
when we have opposing ideals and dreams
Who's happiness supersedes
If neither of us
is willing to sacrifice
our hopes and wishes
my self interests and your self interests
will clash
then one of our dreams
will be extinguished
one of us will be crushed
Isn't the pursuit of self interest
driven happiness
the real enemy
to both of us
Perhaps, the pursuit of this kind of self fulfillment
is the absolutely wrong priority
to begin with
No-thing
I used to - think - there was something
missing
something worth pursuing
A wanting needing fulfilling
And all the wanting that came in the form of having
was given in a world surrounded in pain and suffering
(mine or someone else's)
and it was still there - that inner aching
that empty, needful being
that never could be filled with anything
because the world of - having - could never produce perfection
Having or not having was the same thing all along
Wanting or not wanting
produced the same outcome
and so I've come all this way
to want nothing
but salvation
Unacceptable acceptance
I don't need your acceptance
I don't want you to tell me what's acceptable
I don't want your unsolicited advice
about what I should do in my own life
I believe in God
I believe I am being judged by my own intentions and actions
I believe my struggles, tests, faults, blessings
are my own
to deal with
that is how my inner being is being revealed
here
If I have challenges to live with - or overcome
that's mine
that's my burden to carry
and your - acceptance or nonacceptance - of something
will not change anything
If you wish to express - goodness, kindness, gentleness
I will be glad to receive it
but only because it will be the salvation for your own being
and your salvation
is then - pleasing
and very much
your own
Transmission
It is transmitted
by your eyes, by your ears
absorbed into your mind
that complex chasm
which holds your current perceptions
Your self formed understandings
of this grand illusion's building
And you take it all in
mixing it with your myriad of emotions
that taint all those conceived realizations
which drive you to action
Desires of the self
blossom into the intentions of your being
and you are moved along
In the vehicle of your own conception
In a space that was created
before your coming
and that exists beyond your departure
from this self-apparent realm
flux
There is nothing solid here
(in this vision)
everything is in a state of flux
movement, change
alteration
We are molecules of vibration
clay-clanged into form
so that we may understand
a self-realized-reality
as it forms
This fragility of shell upon shell upon shell
only hits us
in moments
we deem - perception-wise - unwell
The rest of the time
most of the light covered shells
find the illusion of solidity
through the sensory
cells (sells)
let it be a flower
It would be nice
if we never had to - create another reason - to wear another poppy
If we could put an end
a real, absolute and final end
to wars and fighting
If we could stop finding
reasons
to kill
murder
destroy
others
For no good reason whatsoever
If we could let a poppy
be a flower
instead of making it into a symbol
of the fallen soldiers
(I think that would be a much better way to honour them)
Compassionate man-effect-station
We hear more and more
these days
about manifesting our dreams
by believing in actualization
ask-believe-receive
but what are the basis of our beliefs
that we wish to make happen
what are we willing to do
to accomplish them
We are invited to abandon fear and doubt
in return for great success, abundance and wealth
but what if that fear and doubt
is somehow good for our spiritual heath
If you no longer fear
- the hurt -
you could cause another
then you have started a process
to strip away
the compassion and the empathy
that was - the others - protection
During the process of actualization
there are layers upon layers
of actions and reactions
that are caused
most far beyond our capacity
to see, comprehend or fathom
If we are given
to this kind of self-satisfaction-satiation
we must awaken
to the impact
that those realized dreams are having
and see the universal ripples
they are making
It is unethical to manifest
without empathy, understanding and compassion
we need to be thinking
more deeply
before ever asking the universe for anything
and realize
the unity of our grand connection
Happenedings
It was a point
very far off in the distance
it felt like an eternity away
from now
it was a date on a calendar
there was no guarantee
we would make it there
but
the time
the moments
the disappearing now
peeled its thin skin
to nothing
and that once far off moment in space
appeared
to be experienced and then vanished
into the vast universe
of past recollection-collections
We can keep some record
of our perceptions
in our personal and collective memories
in things we have made
to document the apparent creations
within this system of limited understanding
our living happenedings
Without
When life is going well
we - humans - find it hard
to get along
what happens
when our external world
changes
at a rate we cannot anticipate
will it break us even further apart
will it destroy our will, our crumbling-unity and our hearts
I see a need for peace
but the desires of fulfilling self-interests and greed
are overwhelmingly exceeding
it seems
Industries, economies, wealth, security and fiscal policies
are almost always in the lead
There is no simple way forward
through total destruction and loss
comes growth
it is only when what we lose
what we most care for
(whether realized or not)
that we understand what is truly most important
that we now must do without
think like a millionaire
You must maintain a positive mental attitude, he said
and believe that anything is possible
Sure, I was thinking
Anything is possible
when you are willing to do Anything
without considering the ramifications
And what happens when you start thinking and acting
as though your well-being and hopes and dreams
supersede the needs of the earth and other beings
is that a positive thing?
Substitute
For how many years
can one be starved of love and affection
how many times
can a soul take pain and humiliation
how much inflicted suffering
can one intake -before they cave in
and learn to fill
the emptiness of longing
with something in replacement
A soul can live without receiving love
for a lifetime
but something will eventually come along
as a substitution
to love
to fill them
Crown of shadows
It hangs over my head
like a crown of doom
the trillions of dreaded-dark-future possibilities
that loom
I do not wear the (possible) miracles
that tend to appear
No, I only carry the crown of woes, worries and fears
The uncertainties weigh down my shoulders and my heart
the thought of them make me shutter
about the next-coming test of plight
No matter how strong I've become
No matter how resilient or resourceful or intelligent
I can be
these impending woes have tremendous force
it seems
I want to take up arms
against them and fight
these shadows of the future dark realms
that may might my might
Dizzy from going in circles
We could rid this country
(or any)
of tyranny
of the rich who rob the poor
of the ruling classes
who repress the people
(they are meant to care for)
We could protest, raise our voices and hands
in revolution
by taking back our rights
with angry, violent, fervent solutions
But what will happen
when the next group of humans
come in to fill the vacuum
they will only do the
those before them
they will continue reflecting
the rottenness of desire and will
that resides in the human heart
even still
in a repetitive-repressive circle
Nonsense
Do I create my reality?
as some might say
have I created what is happening in the Ukraine
what about the war in Afghanistan
am I responsible for the drone killings
is my reality-creating-ability
making instability in the Middle East
if some one dies today in Gaza or Syria or Palestine
is that because of some fault of mine
If someone decides to be unethical in America, Britain or China
or someone chooses to sell humans into slavery today
is this because of my minds negative-imagery-decay
Do I attract what I feel
If I feel better things
If I only imagine a better world
will bankers or governments suddenly stop stealing
will my good vibrations
stop the poverty and corruption within this nation
I think that my-our reality is many
in this space time continuum
and realities (consciousnesses)
are all bouncing off other realities - currently
creating ripples of actions and reactions and intentions
that make up the entire system
and there is One great reality
forming and overseeing the entire system
from its conception
and it is expanding in many directions
and I was brought to it
and will be taken away from it
at any given moment
So how can I create a reality
Gifts from dark things
The moments of darkness that I passed
were the experiences of pains and fears and doubts and losses and hurts
confronting fears head on
and then having to move through them
through all the worry and doubt
through actual physical suffering
a kind of negative, discomfort like pain
whether physical or emotional - it all equated to the same damn thing
but the losses were the hardest parts
knowing what I had to give up - then giving it up - then living without
and when thinking on things that I possessed and given up
things that I loved
people that I loved
(for good reason)
that caused even more suffering
it may have been my attachments to them
or it may have been my perception of them
or it may have been what I had once gotten from them
and in no longer having them - I felt a type of empty emotion
though if I am rational about having
then I know that nothing is or was mine
and it was all just a moment vanishing in the passage of time
Oh, but the pains they seem so real
I can recall them by means of a thought
and they will bubble to the surface causing tears
as though it was this very moment now
that they occurred
and those dark sufferings will eat away
the light and gratitude of blessings
if I let them
if I linger too long with them
Sometimes I let them come in
and we wallow together in a tortured dance of sorrow
over the pains of yesterday, now and tomorrow
Other times I close the door on them
as if they were never there
a kind of denial
and I wallow in some other substance
to hide from their dark shadows
and then there are times
when I say goodbye to them
and let them go into the great unknown
forgiving everything within their surroundings
and asking the Almighty to take them - the burdens
so that I no longer must feel them
And then I am sent gifts in return for them
gifts of understanding and wisdom
gifts from dark things
that I was brought into
that is totally non-nonsensical
*I can only contribute to reality within a very limited scope in the realm
test subject
I cannot know my own fragility
until I have been broken
and in my state of suffering and pain
I am made to realize, I am truly nothing
My wonder exists outside my frail being
My impermanence is a gift
these eyes, these senses will only be borrowed
for a time
and then they will be taken from my own sense of mine
so I choose to look through them
with gratitude
to the One who has made them
the rest of the impermanent beings
could say that life is an accident
not made of a Creator
and I would disagree
I can feel these thoughts flowing through me
these feelings, coming in and building in intensity
and then disappearing - into the great unknown
​
and those vibrations of Creation
are emanating
they are not nothing
as I am
***
I AM
​
I am white skinned, I have grey eyes like the British sky. I am British by citizenship and by heritage. I have grandparents that lived near this area (of Birmingham) before they immigrated to Canada in early 1900's. I have a Polish grandfather, who was a renowned architect in Ottawa; who's Major father, escaped the Nazi war in Poland and found safe haven on this British island. The Poles, migrants, who are now facing so much discrimination - since the EU's inception. The EU, who was meant to bring Europe closer together.
I had five children with a Berber, North African (the aboriginals of Algeria). I spent time living on his land, with his family, even went to their village in the Kabylie. I learned many new ways of seeing, compared to my own upbringing and took the best of what I learned from both of them.
I am still a French speaking Canadian. I spent time living in France and have an appreciation for their culture and land. The French, who colonized Algeria and murdered the great grandfather and grandmother (and countless other family members) of my children - during the seven year war against the Algerians. The Algerians struggled to gain back their independence which was taken away from them by France.
I had a first generation Canadian father, who was born in 1917 in Alberta; who was a distinguished Scientist with a PhD in Chemistry and used to teach and practice TM meditation. I have a British mother, who grew up in Liverpool (same place as the Beatles); who worked for the Federal government in Canada when I was a girl. The Canadians, who are all immigrants - unless they are a part of the First Nations; the aboriginals of Canada, who's land was stolen from them by the colonialists (mainly British, French and Spanish) who called the Natives, savages.
I am Christian, on my fathers side; I am Jewish, on my mothers side; I am a spiritual-Sufi, in my own mind. The Jews who were persecuted for centuries; who were slaughtered by the Nazis in World War Two. The Jews, who with help from the Christian-Colonialist-Britain stole Palestine away from the Muslim Palestinians (claiming it as their rightful Biblical land) keeping the Palestinians under occupation.
The Muslims, who are facing tyranny, war and destruction on so many of their lands; who have been fought by the Americans, the Europeans and friends (and even those that call themselves - Muslims). The Muslims who are divided among themselves according to their sects, ideology and nationalism (if only they would unify again); who's given legacy has been terrorism and extremism.
I once wore a hyjab before but tore it off when I couldn't tolerate the racism I was facing on this island - the same island that saved my grandfather from fascism.
I am a human.
​
​